Taking Responsibility and Surviving Infidelity Issues

Have you been asking yourself if surviving infidelity is possible? If you have been cheating on your wife, you may be unhappy in your relationship or you may have even bigger issues to struggle through. If your marriage is shaky already, maybe you think that admitting to an affair will surely destroy it. Maybe children are involved. You may feel powerless, depressed and miserable trying to fix this mess that has been created. Maybe it is easier to just continue down the cheating path and hope your marriage problem will miraculously fix itself. There are moments of satisfaction and pleasure in your life, even if is clouded with low self-esteem when you think about the kind of man you have become. What is your best course of action, exposing your secrets, possibly divorcing, or continue justifying your behavior and hope you are never found out. Here are the facts and recovery tips for surviving infidelity.

Why Do Men Marry, then Decide to Cheat?

Deeper Underlying Issues - People who have affairs are likely to have more than one. Multiple affairs may be a sign of emotional pain and dysfunction.

Justification - Men who have affairs may rationalize that it is normal and healthy for men, but does not apply to women. With greater emergence of pornography, strip clubs, and cyber affairs, men have more temptations to follow a path that doesn’t contribute to the health of their marriage.

Excitement - Early in marriage, men seek sex affairs rather than love affairs. It’s a boost to a man’s ego to find out that women still find him sexually attractive. Maybe just the thrill of the hunt, the chase and conquest are too exciting to be denied. Affairs later in marriage may involve love affairs as men seek out women who appreciate them and give them emotional as well as sexual pleasure.

Affairs can be intense, passionate and loving but seldom lead to a long-term committed relationship.

Why Should a Cheating Man Change?

End the Guilt - In marriages where an affair is kept secret, surviving infidelity is more difficult. The deceiving spouse lives a life of deception and dishonesty, with the betrayed spouse trying not to appear suspicious. The large divorce rate may be due to the dishonesty inherent in affairs. The guilt, alienation, and distrust takes a toll on a marriage.

Infatuation Fades - By choosing to end an affair, a man may feel depression and anxiety as he experiences withdrawal symptoms from his addiction. By completely avoiding all communication with this woman, these feelings can fade, sometimes in just a few weeks. However, if a man continues to periodically see this woman, then the feelings will be reignited like a flame to a fire. This can just drag out any confused and anxious feelings. Counseling can help the cheating spouse to stick with his difficult decision and help with surviving infidelity issues.

What Can Be Expected On the Road to Recovery?

Confess for the Right Reasons - Do not tell your wife you are having an affair because you are confused, anxious, and you don’t know whether to end the affair or work on your marriage. If you expose your infidelity to your wife, she will be devastated enough. If you then tell her you don’t know whether you want a divorce or not, you are just adding salt to the wound. Find a counseling professional and break off your relationship before exposing your secret to your wife. This way you can work on your marriage with a clear mind and increase your chance at surviving infidelity issues.

Work on Your Marriage - Marriages hold up much better from a voluntary confession than an unwanted discovery. When admitting to an affair, it should be done from a desire to rebuild the relationship, not out of a sense of guilt. You need to be prepared to handle your partner’s reactions. You need to understand that finding out about an affair, will replace her trust with insecurity, mistrust, and resentment. Her vision of the future has just been shattered. She doesn’t know whether she will divorce, work at rebuilding a relationship with you, or possibly live the rest of her life just putting up with her cheating spouse.

Honesty - Be absolutely and completely honest about the affair. The only way to rebuild trust is to put an end to the lies. She can learn to trust you again if she sees that you are being honest about things that may be easier for you to lie about. It may be necessary for her to find out every detail of the affair to begin her recovery process. Be prepared for her questions, telling her the truth and dealing with her reactions. The best indicator of how well the marriage will be successful in surviving infidelity is the betraying spouse’s remorse and empathy towards his partner.

There's Hope- Surviving infidelity is a wound that heals very slowly, but it is not a death sentence.

Becoming Friends Again - Spend time together focusing on something other than the affair. You need time to rebuild your love and friendship and reconnect again. Agree together that during your “date”, you will not discuss the affair, but rather focus on the moment. It doesn’t mean you can’t continue to work out issues related to the affair, but for this set time, you will put the affair on a back burner.

Success - Affairs don’t help marriages. However, it is true that a marriage can emerge stronger through recovery from an affair. When a couple experience a disaster, struggle through the intense issues, and at the end of the day are still together, they feel that they can tackle anything in life. Surviving infidelity is an accomplishment.