Office Romance - Risky But Not Off Limits

Office romances are risky, but inevitable. With hectic work schedules and busy lives, many of us spend most of our waking hours at the office. Often times it involves working with women at a similar age range, common interests, and ready and looking to settle down with a life partner. Of course there are risks associated with office romances, but they may be worth it if you plan ahead and follow a few tips before taking the plunge.

Whose the Lucky Girl

Peer relationships within a department can be difficult when a breakup occurs. Ideally, office romances across departments are a better bet. But we can’t help who we are attracted to, so this is just something to keep in mind when you evaluate the risk factor.

Asking Someone Out

This can be quite difficult in an office setting, because if she turns you down, you will have to face her again, day in and day out. If possible, try talking with her first, or finding out more about her from a mutual friend. You could try getting her to join a group of people for lunch or happy hour to get to know her better. While talking to her, you could try to tap into a mutual interest, then bring up the idea of doing something together (if you both have dogs, maybe you could suggest heading to the dog park together). This way, it would seem less like asking her on a date, and more like just spending time together as friends doing something fun.

Start Slow. Become friends and spend time together. Make sure you evaluate the relationship to see whether it is worth taking a risk on an office romance. If you work closely together, or will most likely work together in the future, think about the possibility that it may be uncomfortable if you are working ex’s, instead of working lovers. Also, try to determine if she is someone trustworthy or whether she shares her business freely with others. You want to evaluate whether the possibility exists that she is capable of dishing dirt out on you if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Communicate In Advance About Handling a Breakup

Express to her that you want to get to know her better, but it could well turn out that the two of you find that you are incompatible and will go your separate ways. How does she feel about the possiblity of ending your office romance? Inquire a little about her history of breakups to see her track record in this area. Does she seem to be solid emotionally, or does she have plenty of stories of her messy breakups in the past. If her stories are trickled with jealousy or revenge on her ex-boyfriends, head to the next cubicle.

Telling Coworkers

This doesn’t involve making an announcement over the PA system, but whether you decide to make your coworkers aware of your office romance during your everyday conversation. When you are out to lunch with other coworkers, and each of you is asked what you did over the weekend, you need to decide whether to filter your responses or not. If the office romance is fairly new, the best approach is not to broadcast the news at this stage of the game. Since the relationship doesn’t have the foundation to necessarily last through the weekend, why not keep it under wraps just a little longer. However, if the office romance is getting serious, has endured over a period of time, it is not necessary to try to keep it a secret. It creates too much stress worrying about which partner will spill the beans first, and besides you don’t want to ever find yourself making dishonest responses to coworkers in your cover-up of your new found love. So give honest answers to questions. “Yes we are dating”, but then keep it at that. Don’t go into long drawn out stories about your new girlfriend to fuel the rumor mill.

Keep Relationship Out of the Office

A new romance is exciting and it is tempting to be a little risqué at the office. Emailing naughty messages to your new love, or making out in the elevator are tempting, but not advisable. Your superiors want to make sure your attention is on your work, not the new hottie you’re seeing.

Dating the Boss or an Underling

This really is not a good idea. If your female boss asks you out, and you aren’t interested, your initial response may be to start a new job search. There is just a new kind of tension with her that you wish would disappear. You will always wonder if your performance appraisals have been compromised in some way because you rejected your boss. And if you are thinking about asking out a woman that reports to you, don’t do it. It definitely hinges on sexual harassment because you have made her uncomfortable if the feelings are not reciprocated. If you are already having one of these office romances, the negative aspects are endless. And the only happy ending would be marriage.

Break Up Gently

If the relationship is no longer satisfying, sit her down and break off the office romance with her. You could just never call her again, but that is the coward’s way out, and would just make her angry to think that you give no value to her feelings at all. Even if you really don’t care about her anymore, it is important to be considerate, for her well-being as well as yours. The health of your working relationship depends on it.