Being Your Best - Divorce Dad

Going through divorce is painful in itself. As a divorce dad, dealing with the issues related to the children brings with it a bigger set of obstacles. Maybe in times of frustration, the thought has crossed your mind to just walk away from your kids when you walked away from your wife. Just remember, your kids need you. They need the great father that is inside of you. The statistics of fatherless children shows how important a role a father plays in his children’s life. Did you know 85% of youths in prison come from fatherless homes, 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes and 90% of runaways are from fatherless homes! So be a role model for your kids and take your role seriously.

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. - Clarence Budington Kelland

Never belittle your ex in front of your children

Remember your child is half of you and half of your ex. So every time you speak badly of your ex, you are speaking badly of your child. When you try to draw your child into the conflicts with your ex, statistics show that children will try to pull away. So if you are trying to hurt your ex, you will wind up hurting your relationship with your kids.

It’s difficult to be unselfish, but when you speak badly of your ex, you really are just trying to make yourself feel better. Being a divorce dad is difficult, but it’s important to put your kids above yourself and be considerate of their feelings.

Communicate

Spend 15 minutes a day trying to talk about your children’s feelings. Listen, offer understanding and focus on the positive. Continually let them know how much you love them.

Build Trust

Children need consistency. So make sure you show up for visitation on time. Remember birthdays and special occasions. This shows your children you love them and want to be an important part of their life.

Discipline

In regard to discipline, you may feel the desire to overindulge your children to make up for the pain they are feeling due to the divorce. This is actually the worst thing you can do as a divorce dad. Rather, firm discipline, with love and affection, is a much better method. Do not be afraid to set boundaries and limits. Just make sure you show lots of patience and understanding during this time.

Avoid Overindulgence

If you are a noncustodial divorce dad, don’t feel as if you need to make every second special during your child’s visit. Your time together doesn’t need to be a big play and party time complete with elaborate gifts and entertainment. Rather children fare much better with a consistent normal home life.

Build Relationship with Ex

Try to have a civil relationship with your ex. It is far better to communicate with your ex so that you can respect each other’s parenting role and agree on methods of raising your children in a consistent manner. Talk to her about developing a form of discipline and helping each other follow through on punishment. If she has taken away a privilege from your child and needs your help enforcing the punishment during your visit, HELP her. If you see she is looking our for your child’s best interests, work with her in these goals.

Consistency

Try to make the child’s routine consistent in both homes. Put your child to sleep at the same time. And ensure consistent eating habits by having your children eat healthy foods. Don’t have your children associate a visit with Dad as a visit to McDonalds.

Chef Dad

Preparing meals for your children may be a new role for you as a divorce dad. Take this opportunity to learn to cook. If you have shared custody and have free time on your hands, take a cooking class (hopefully a class full of single women). A healthy diet for your children also plays a part in their mental well being.

Thinking About Dating

If you are thinking about dating again, wait at least six months to a year. Your children have suffered greatly, and it is best to spend time helping them through their healing process. When it is time, read up first on single parent dating tips.