Challenging But Important Questions for Couples

If you are planning to marry, there are important questions for couples that need to be asked. Maybe having children isn’t quite important to you now, but you don’t want to marry only to find out years later that your ideas on the topic are very different. Also, by sitting down and asking challenging questions for couples, you may find out even more about each other, further developing and strengthening your relationship. Of course, it maybe difficult to predict how your partner’s beliefs may change over time, but it is a good foundation to start with. You may also want to check into premarriage counseling courses offered by your church or in your community.

Work Time

How much time do you spend at work? Is work a set schedule or is overtime involved. Would you take a job involving heavy travel if it involved a large salary increase? How do your schedules compare? When do you wake up (early or late?). Important questions for couples involves asking each other if you are content with the quality and quantity of time spent together (e.g. weekends, evenings). Do you enjoy doing the same things when you spend time together? Or is one of you content to be at home, where the other enjoys nights out, getting together with other couples, or other activities outside of the home.

Put together a budget. Look at each of your prior year’s expenses including money spent on food, home rent/mortgage, clothing, gifts, vacation, charities etc. Look at how your expenses would change after you married (e.g. less money on maintaining two homes), and plan your finances within the different categories together. Key questions for couples includes how you will plan your finances for the future? Will you save for a home, or starting a family? Or are you still young and want to experience life with money to be spent on enriching vacations? Who will be responsible for paying the bills after marriage? Will you combine your incomes into one account?

Family

Do you both want children? How many? Premarital counseling questions for couples always includes whether you both want children. If one of you is indifferent towards children, would you be agreeable to starting a family if it was important to your partner? Would one of you stay home to care for the children?

Are you both comfortable with the time you spend with family that live nearby. If either of you has out-of-time relatives, how often will you visit them, and for how long? If they come to visit you, what is the extent and frequency of their visits? Are there any situations where you could see a relative living with your for an extended stay?

Friends

Discuss your friendships outside of your relationship. How does your time with your friends interfere / enhance your romantic relationship? For instance do you like each others friends, or is there excessive time spent with friends interfering with time spent together? A question for couples is to think about your private relationship and ask each other the extent you share intimate details about your relationship with your friends or family. Are there aspects of your marriage that either of you would like to keep between just you two?

Day to Day

How would you split up the chores around the house? Who would wash clothes, clean bathrooms, clean floors, yard work? Would you both agree to do a thorough house cleaning on a specific day of the week, or hire a housekeeper? How will you share tasks related to grocery shopping, planning meals, cooking dinner, cleaning dishes? Do you have similar eating habits, or is one of you a health nut, and the other a fast-food junky. Will cleaning the house be shared equally between you two, or do you think one person should devote more time to it because the other person has a more intense job schedule?

Religion

What are your individual religions? Do they conflict in any way? If you have very different religions, are there any conflicts related to how holidays will be celebrated, or issues related to how your children will be raised? Do either of you want to attend regular religious service together? Would you like to have more community involvement?

Sex

If you have had sexual relations, are you content with the frequency and quality of your lovemaking? Do either of you have a greater desire than the other causing any conflict?

How will you deal with sexual temptation in the marriage? What are your views on pornography in the home? Viewing pornography on the computer? What are your views on masturbation? If your spouse had an affair in the marriage, do you think you would try to work through the issue, or would it viewed as unforgivable leading to divorce. Its best to answer these questions for couples as honestly as you can.

Difficult Issues

Some touchy questions for couples are good to bring out in the open. Are there any issues or bad habits that you see may be a source of conflict (smoking, gambling, excessive drinking, excessive spending, different cleanliness habits, etc.)

How would you deal with conflicts in the marriage? Are you both open to seeking marriage counseling from professionals? Are you both committed to working through inevitable conflicts that may arise?

What other questions for couples can you think of that are important?